Realization Hits Now
by cataclysmically starry-minded
Summary: Ken's thoughts after Wormmon dies and after the Digidestined defeat him. My take on the episode where Ken talks about his brother. My first Digimon fanfic, so be nice


Realization Hits Now

Realization Hits Now 

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN DIGIMON 

A/N Just a story I thought up. This takes place after Wormmon dies and Ken returns to the real world. I don't remember the episode very well, so bear with me if I make any mistakes. This is told from Ken's point of view.

~

Here I am. Alone. Not asleep, but not awake either. In my subconscious, I think. My head keeps swirling with thoughts I can't ignore. On the Digital World… On the Chosen Children… On Wormmon… On my reign of terror… I don't know exactly what possessed me to try to dictate the Digital World. Some sort of unspeakable evil, I suppose. But this course of action has caused me to lose the only friend I ever had.

Wormmon. Speaking your name brings tears to my eyes now. A week ago I wouldn't have given a damn if you were dead and gone. But today sorrow tugs at my heart relentlessly. To think I caused your death by my incredibly large ego. You gave your life so willingly to protect me. Even after all that abuse. Why? Why didn't you let me die? I deserved to. Why do you care so much about me? Did you do it just to escape from me? Or was it something deeper than that? Did you love me as a good friend… or as a brother? Love… A word that has long disappeared from my vocabulary, however large it may be.

The Chosen Children are right. I. Am. A. Heartless. Fool. I used to think that they were the weak opposing enemy in my game. But they are much stronger than I will ever be. Both in strength and spirit. I remember the first time I saw them in the real world. At that fateful soccer match. Where they figured out who I really was. Daisuke and the soccer team he represented was just another obstacle to overcome. But when I glanced into the stands to find the source of all that annoying cheering I found his friends. Sitting with digimon. Very familiar digimon. It was then that I realized that he was one of the Chosen. One that I was trying so hard to eliminate. Obviously he didn't suspect a thing. How could Ken Ichjouji, boy genius, possibly cause so much pain? Yet looks, and stories can be deceiving. 

Yes… I don't deny it. My hands are forever stained with blood. I killed all those digimon. I killed my own digimon. My actions have not gone unnoticed. All those associated with the Digital World hold my name in disgust. The Digimon Kaizer. The one who killed all those defenseless creatures. He has no heart. He is and always will be evil. I don't hold that name with pride anymore. I hold it with a burning hatred deep within my soul. I reigned over those digimon mercilessly. I enslaved them. Destroyed them. Completely ruined their lives. I can't force that thought out of my mind. It is wherever I turn. 

My devices I created to rule were fool proof. Evil but full proof nonetheless. The control spires that controlled my dark rings. The dark rings that made peaceful digimon murderers. Later, the rings turned to spirals, made to control Greymon and make him digivolve into MetalGreymon. I don't know where the ideas blossomed. I woke up once and they were there. At the time, I thought it was a miracle. They had arrived so unexplained. Almost as unexplained as the sudden raise in my IQ.

I had become a genius over night. Where I once was a mediocre student there was someone ruling the grading charts. I scored perfectly on every exam and every test I took. And gym class. Oh, how I loathed gym class. I was chosen last during the games to be on a team. I sucked at every game I was required to play. But, suddenly, I was the captain of the soccer team and the best athlete in the whole entire school. I could play any video game presented to me flawlessly. I even beat one of the hardest games to conquer, Donkey Madness.

Nobody was very much surprised at my sudden abilities. They said I was just living up to my potential. After all, my brother had been a genius also. It was just my turn to shine. But my life abruptly became more boring. I then turned to an old game I used to play. Or what I thought was a game. When I first arrived in the digital world years ago, I felt like I was finally where I belonged. Overlooked by my parents and friendless I found little solace at home or at school. But suddenly I had Wormmon. And he was the best friend I could ever have.

But I just couldn't believe that there was a whole another world coexisting alongside ours. To me, it was that the computer would figuratively eat me and transport me into a game where I couldn't lose. But I have lost. Miserably. 

I found the digital world by accident. I was just watching my brother at the computer when the digivice flew out and hit the floor. My brother warned me not to touch it. He left the room looking for something to examine it, and I picked it up. Holding it out towards the computer, it lifted me from the ground and sent me flying through the computer screen. Remember the old saying "Curiosity killed the cat"? It's wrong. Curiosity got the cat slapped. I returned home bursting with things to tell my brother but before I could get a word out, he hit me. Hard. He then told me that he couldn't trust me and pushed me out of his room. I never wished harder that he'd go away than I did then.

Osamu. Your name still floods my being with guilt. I was your brother but I wished you would leave me alone. I wished that you would disappear. Well you didn't disappear. But you might as well have. When I was eight, you were victim of a hit and run. You died upon impact and I am left believing that it was my fault that you were killed. Your funeral is the saddest moment in my life. Mom and Dad were crying uncontrollably and I was hiding, crying on my own. When the lowered you into the ground, I wailed and ran away. It took Mom and Dad a good part of an hour to find me. They didn't yell at me, but I could see the disapproval in their eyes.

I was only checking my email when I found this weird message in my inbox. It expressed its sorrow for my loss and told me that it had a way for me to escape the grief. And the sorrow. I took it up on its offer. That's how I became the Digimon Kaizer. Pouring the last of my purity into something I couldn't see. And being rewarded with the impurity that followed.

Kindness. That doesn't describe me at all. Do kind people destroy others? Do they hunt creatures down before impaling those creatures on their swords of evil, only to return the sword to its sheath to be called upon when needed? No, they do not. Yet that is what I did. And I find myself holding the crest of kindness. There must be a mistake. But who made the mistake? Certainly not God. But whom?

I am stirring. Awakening. I don't want to leave my protective bubble, but I guess I have to. I open my eyes slowly and as they focus I find that my mind is blank to my surroundings. I turn my gaze to the people on my left. "Ken," the woman cries, tears running down her strained face, "You're awake."

"Who are you?" I murmur. 

"You don't remember us?!"

"No, I don't think so."

"But I'm-" The woman is cut off as the man speaks quietly to her. I don't listen to what they are saying. They cease talking and the woman turns towards me again. "I'll fix you something to eat Ken dear," she said with a fake smile etched upon her face. I nod my consent and she leaves.

~

For the past few days I have drifted to and from school, staying at home most of the time. My amnesia has done nothing to affect my knowledge yet I know my genius abilities have disappeared. I failed a math test yesterday for the first time in years. Everyone seems surprised by that. But today I know I must do something important. I must return to the digital world. 

I activate my computer and hold my digivice out to it, opening the digital gate. I go through the complex inner workings of the computer until I find myself standing near the front gate to Primary Village. When I enter I am barraged with every insult possible by the infant digimon. I try to apologize, but they don't listen, as I knew they wouldn't. I walk over to the field of digieggs, searching frantically for the one that carries Wormmon. Suddenly, inexplicably, one starts to glow a heavenly yellow. I pick it up and it hatches in my hands. "Hi Ken!" it squeaks joyfully.

"Who are you?"

"Don't you remember me? I'm Leafmon, the baby form of Wormmon."

"Wormmon," I whisper happily, "Wormmon…"

~

He returns home with me, and I leave him in my room while I confront my parents. I finally remember them now. My Mom is crying, but at sight of me, she engulfs me in a tight hug. "Mama?" I whisper into her shoulder.

"Ken, I'm sorry," she says, "I'm sorry for not being a good mother to you. Can you give me a second chance?"

"Only if you can give me one in return," I reply.

~

End

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